Wordless Wednesday

I huli the O/C1 and 2

Last night I took my small boat training. This culminated in the three students going out into the harbour with our instructor Diane, capsizing the 1 and the 2 and climbing back in to them. Once we are successful with that we get a key to unlock the small craft and we can book them out whenever we want and they are available.
I was able to get into the 2 with no problem; it is very flat and close to the water. But I could not make it into the 1. It was pretty embarassing; try as I might I couldn't get myself up over the gunnel and into the boat! Exhausted, I got into the 2 and paddled to shore. Diane gave me my key after we talked about how to practice getting into the boat. I can't of course take it out alone, but I will take it out with someone else and try to have a successful huli. I realise now what things were working against me - I had on the wrong clothes. The sweatpant shorts just don't work for boating, I knew that but was putting off buying something more suitable. Also, I didn't have my lifejacket done up tightly enough. I was also trying to get into the canoe using my right side as the dominant side, and being left handed I was not, therefore, using my stronger side. Next time I'll use the other alma to get in the boat at the bow. No one will be able to say I didn't try to get in the boat though - I have the BIGGEST bruises on my inner arms, from elbow to armpit, I have ever seen. One of them woke me up in the night with the throbbing!! My chest, shoulder and upper arm muscles are stiff from trying to get in the boat. At least I can practice and do better next time!!

solitude was productive

John is due back this afternoon; he and Amber left on Tuesday night to go to Alberta to move Emily to Vancouver. I've had a truly wonderful quiet time but i am looking forward to seeing him. I am amazed and filled with gratitude that we have weathered the relationship storms we have and we are still together, still committed to each other.
anyways....
I made some stuff. The long necklace (50") is from labradorite and silver beads. I put them on silver flexwire. it is everything from a choker necklace to something long and swingy to a bracelet.
Next, I made a bracelet with tiny labradorite beads and silver beads. I can't put it on to take the photo as it is too small for me but when Jayne gets here I'll ask her to model it. It is nice, tho...

I also made some stitch markers:


and some fun little bracelets.....



All this and more will be at my booth at the Gibsons Landing Fibre Arts Festival in August. Wow, I better get cracking!!

Wordless Wednesday

Canada Day Parade

summer thoughts

This is a good summer for our family. John has his free boat in the water and was fishing last night. I helped him drag his boat into the water (free boats don't need trailers) so he could go out and check his crab pot - which is missing as he thinks he and Sarah put it out with too little line to the buoy - and he stayed out there fishing until I came back from my AlAnon meeting. When I went to help him bring the boat in, it was certainly a beautiful sight; calm waters, John and his boat, fishing, BIG tug with BIGGER log boom chugging past, Vancouver Island in the distance. Aah I am most grateful for my life...
Yesterday afternoon Amber spotted my new beads that just came in the mail - very funky colourful shell pendants and acrylic beads - and announced she wanted to make a necklace. So I showed her a few supplies, and gave some basic instructions, and away she went! We had to stop to make supper and go to my meeting, but as soon as I got back she was sitting at the table waiting to finish it. I'll post a picture this afternoon after I get back from work; it is quite lovely and summerish!!
Tonight is outrigger paddling, I think the whole team is going to show up. It looks as if it will be a lovely day for it. I bought a few rock plants to put between the rocks where the sign is, and i'll put those in when i get back tonight. I bought 4 different plants so I can see which one I like the best. Try as I might, I couldn't find the plants labelled "Purple and pink rock garden plants that the person that lives on the detour when they are working on the highway putting in the water main" anywhere....

"NewWorldOrder"ism

There have been so many things lately that I've figured out about the past, my relationships with others. I need to start writing them down; I've forgotten some of them. This blog is as good a place as any. They aren't so much revelations, they are just ruminations, thoughts, on how things are now and how that helps me make sense of how things were.
this one came to me today, driving home from buying tahini paste:
I am hypersensitive about Johns' relationships with his girls since he's sobered up. I wasn't sure what that was all about. Didn't make me do anything weird or crazy, i just noticed some anxiety around it. Today i realised that when i was a kid, I was expected to take a side, either Mum's side or Dad's side, when they were fighting and he had been drinking. It was very difficult to pick a side; if you picked the one side or the other it would mean getting hurt or getting rewarded (which i would pay for later from the side I didn't pick). Because John has talked to his girls through all this stuff I realised that I was scared if they were talking to him it meant they weren't talking to me; that they had chosen his side, not mine.
Now that I've figured out that one, i can let it go....

Gardening

I also wanted to show you pictures of the gardens. When the folks were here last they helped me with the west garden bed. We cleaned it up and put landscape cloth down, and then John got a load of wood chips and spread them out. Looks pretty nice, hey?

Also, John made a great post for the name and house number sign. We didn't really even know that this pile of rocks was in fact a bed, a place that was probably used, years ago, for the purpose we are going to use it now! When Joan comes to visit I've asked her to go to the nurseries with me to find some suitable rock wall plants. She loves visiting nurseries, and as she'll be here three days it will give us something to do.
Here's a picture of the "post in waiting"

Paddling and more paddling

The outrigger paddling is fantastic. i love it so much. Yesterday was the first day that we "got it" as a team; our strokes were bang on, our rhythm was in tune with the water, we worked hard and weren't afraid of the waves that came at us. we went quite a ways out past the point which made the water harder. I'm learning about the echoes in the water that are created from the land, and how to paddle in the transition, how the boat handles and stuff like that. so interesting. I went down to the endurance paddle for the dragon boat on saturday. it was much more difficult for me than last Saturday, and I realised it is because i had not been on the water all week! I will for sure be paddling dragon boat this week.
I'm kind of bummed because our OC team is not going to race; we are just not going to be ready. the good thing about it is we will be able to do more recreational paddles, taking out OC1's and OC2's just for kicks.
I love paddling and I have set the intention that I want to eventually paddle every day.
It is such a good analogy for life; no matter how rough the water gets, no matter how scared you are of the waves, just keep paddling, over and over, the rhythm of the paddle is what will get you through.

dragon boating

it was pretty chilly on the bay tonight. coming back, with the wind in our faces, made paddling a bit tough. we had an audience tonight; a seal followed us for a spell, frolicking and bobbing around us. we took the new boat out, the BuK, and it is a pretty nice boat. the seats are smaller so our bums get sorer - i'm glad i have my foam thing to sit on!!

Outrigger Canoe

Today I met some women down at the Gibsons Marina. We will start paddling an OC6 next week. We couldn't go out as the boats had just been fibreglassed and needed to dry so we met and talked about the seats and the stroke. Our goal is to do a race in this year's outrigger race. I am glad we didn't go out- oh my it was cold near the water this afternoon! I hope it gets warmer for dragon boating tomorrow.

Glenora Farm Visit

We have been half-heartedly looking for a place for Amber to move to. It has been clear for some time that Amber is ready and needs to move away from home, to begin to create her own life outside of the life she has with me, her mum. I stumbled upon a wonderful place on Vancouver Island. We visited it this weekend.

The farm is part of the Camphill Movement, a worldwide organization of schools, training colleges and adult villages where care givers and people with developmental disabilities live, learn and work together, sharing in a culturally rich and productive environment.

We went to the farm on a cold Sunday morning. We were met and had a tour by Katrin, the herb garden specialist, who also seems to be a “support worker”. She has lived at the farm for 10 or so years, and her goal is to see the farm make homeopathic tinctures. More on that later….

We toured the main house first. It is a very large structure that is home to about 15 people. There is a large great room with a couple of dining tables and a big fireplace with several comfy sofas around it. The only thing that doesn’t look like “home” is the industrial gas stove and large range fan. Everything else looks exactly like a regular household, albeit a large one.

In one wing of the house, shaped like an “L”, there are bedrooms, which each share a bathroom. The bedrooms are large and airy with big windows and very simple furnishings. There was an office as well. Down the other wing was another “household”; “Welcome to Chinatown!” The grinning face of a young Asian father having breakfast with several children and his wife greeted us in broken English. I took him to be a farm worker. This wing appeared to be the area that he and his family lived.

Upstairs in the house there were more sleeping rooms and a large room that was used for singing practice, hand bell practice, and country folk dancing.

Downstairs we saw a room with 6 large freezers, a laundry room, and another small kitchen leading out to the yard and fields beyond, and two work rooms.

One was the herb room, obviously Katrin’s pride and joy. There is a large herb garden outside, and this room is the laboratory where herbs are made into teas, lotions, cooking salts, and more. Everything is certified organic. It is Katrin’s goal to see the farm create homeopathic tinctures as organic ones are getting harder to find…

The other workroom was the candle making room. There is a real production line of candle making there, dipped beeswax candles in various stages of development. The room was obviously cramped and Katrin said they were working on relocating the candle making to another building so she could expand her herb room.Tucked in a corner was an amazing piece of machinery. Handmade, completely out of wood, was a grinder used to make flour. The farm is part of a network of farms and bakeries that are introducing new “old” strains of wheat to the island. There were once several kinds of grain grown on the island, and these have all but been forgotten. So the grain is grown and ground and used at the bakery at Cowichan Bay.

We left the main house to walk a path through the forest. On the left was a small log cabin. Katrin told us that a retired doctor lives there. He lives there and contributes to the farm as everyone does. I asked if he did “doctoring” and Katrin said he does whatever needs doing that he can do, which seems to be the theme of the farm.

We followed the path, which was made of sawdust, through the woods and came upon a clearing. This area consisted of a small meadow, a pond, and two cement “footprints” for housing. One was bare but for wires and hoses, and the other had a three story post and beam structure. This is the site of the two new homes that will house a total of 6 companions (as the folks with disabilities are called) and others that will live and work on the farm.

The house was designed by one of the board members who is an architect. The plan was then sent to an environmentalist, who made a few modifications for energy conservation. Then a healer who works with electrical energy came out and aligned the house with the electrical paths of the earth, as well as paying mind to the location of large electrical transmission lines that are nearby. She also worked with the electrician to design the electrical plan within the house. The house is heated geothermally; there is a geothermal web under the pond just outside. At the front of the house is a large pile of clay, another of hay and sawdust. The house is insulated with these products, mixed into clay and stuck between the studs. The interior of the house is lathe, and the upper floors are insulated with the clay/hay mixture. A boat builder from Port Alberni One part of the main floor will be a small suite so companions that are learning independent living will have a place to transition. There was also a wheelchair accessible room as one of the folks will soon be in a wheelchair. Nearby, outside, stands a garage sized utility building that will soon house the laundry and other household facilities. was part of the building team. The attention to detail on the corners and exposed beams was amazing. This house, which would be the one that Amber would live in, will be completed in June. It is a beautiful and peaceful site. This house has a kitchen, living area, office/staff area, and bedrooms on three floors.

We continued out tour outside. We saw the kitchen garden, the herb garden and the vegetable garden. They used to sell some of the produce at the farmer’s market, but now find that there are so many people living and working at the farm that they use all that they grow.

We walked over to the barns where we saw highland steers, both mothers and babes. One of the calves is white. We also saw one of the llamas. A further walk along the road took us to the edge of the neighbouring farm. This family sold some of their land to Glenora Farms, and has realized their dream of having a horse farm. The view of the large horse barn was partially obscured by the construction of a foaling barn. These are very expensive horses!! The other horses are ridden by folks from Glenora Farm. Off to the right of the hay field we could see some rustic benches under some trees; Katrin told us that they staged plays under the trees in the summer! Every opportunity for a celebration is taken; birthdays, saint’s days, solstice, harvesting, and more. While this is not an “organized religion” community, it is very spiritual and respectful Christian community.

As we walked back to the main house Katrin told us some of the things about the farm. In no particular order, as I remember them:

There is no public transit out to and from the farm, but people come and go all the time into and from town. Some of the farm workers live in town. There are plans to have a companion live in town as “not everyone wants to live at the farm”. (Katrin was puzzled by this; she loves the farm and told us that she often goes more than a week before going in to town, which is about 10 minutes away)

Therapeutic riding is nearby and several people go riding there.

The society and the farm have been there for many years; the society started in Vancouver and moved to Vancouver Island.

We went in to the house for tea. While we were there we met three companions who were on their way out to repot plants. One of the guys is growing some plants to sell; he wants to make some money to go to Holland as there is a conference there that Katrin and some of the companions are going to. She showed us the dishtowels that one of the men makes on the loom; he decided that he wanted to make towels, really nice ones, and he does. He has won several awards and competitions with his weaving. We had a discussion about the weavery and the store, which are located some ways from the farm at a rural intersection. The store has a small café, basic groceries, gas, and farm products (candles etc) for sale. Next door we peeked into the weavery; there are several looms set up with cloth in various stages of construction. The store is what intrigued Amber (and us) as she loves retail so much.

While there we met one of the founding people. Her name is Adola; she is a wonderful white haired woman who had a cup of tea with us. She asked Amber what she had done so far, and amber answered her without looking at me, which is very unusual for amber given the ambiguity of the question. She told us that if Amber came to live at the farm it is where Amber would “uncover her life’s purpose”. It was a very touching moment. When we left she said that she hoped she would see Amber again.

Katrin said that often, when companions are thinking about moving to the farm, they come and spend a week there to see how it goes. I think this will be the next stage for Amber. We have some time, as the house she would be in is not ready for a few months.

Amber and I have a lot to process! We have been talking off an on about her moving for some time. I heard Amber talking about the visit to her sisters, and one of the first things she talked about was “they have a llama”. Of all the things I thought would impact her, it wasn’t the llama!! I am trying to NOT ask her leading questions as I want her to come to her own conclusions about what she saw and experienced in the visit.

My heart knows that I can keep looking for a place for Amber, but I don't know if I will find anything as safe and wonderful as this place.

Painting

i cant' begin to say how happy it is to paint. i really like painting. Today i put the sky in on the first France canvas. I'm doing a two canvas affair of the skyline of the town in France where i was born. now that i am all but done the first canvas i want to get the second done so i can look at them as two halves. the sky in this one goes from dark to light, and will the sky on the next one be all light, or will i have to change the sky in this one? i really like how the mood of the painting just comes out of the intent of my brush, filled with paint, as it hits the canvas.

AlAnon again

I went to an AlAnon meeting again tonight. I haven't been for a few months, since the summer, i think. I stopped going just before he stopped going to AA. It was good to go again and I think I will go back next week. Tonight's discussion centred around control, and i was able to articulate how it was a control issue that got me to go up and get him rather than leave him to figure it out or to have one of the girls go get him and see him like that. It really was disrespectful to him to assume that he couldn't have figured a way out of where he was.
I also have gratitude, the other discussion from tonight, around the opportunity I was given to remind myself of how much work i have to do around control, and that I can let go, spend my energy on myself, and what needs to happen will do so. I am still really sad that he missed one year sober, tho. I'm trying hard to celebrate 35 days.

Yesterday at work I was really busy, lots of paperwork and people dropping by. The new family for #10 came in and got her keys, her kids were so excited. The maintenance person, Linda, took the family through the suite and signed the final papers, while I finished off the bank deposit of rent and washing machine money. Linda came in as I was pondering all I didn’t get to; the papers to file, the letter to write acknowledging an application received. As we left for the day I mentioned how I was going to return in the morning to deal with some of the paperwork piled in the corner of my desk. She looked at me, shocked. “It’s your day off!” she said. “Why would you come in to file some papers? They can wait, can’t they?”

I thought about that this morning, and realized that the last vestiges of my old life were being shed. The pace of grace, the simple replacing chaos, the order to the day, the release and relief that my life is unfolding as I finally want it to.

I’m knitting more. Taking another painting class (a two canvas affair of the medieval French village where I was born). Taking the dog to the camp and throwing the stick. Mooching through the used bookstore and the hospital auxiliary store. I actually dust things in my house now. I’m planning a solitary road trip to California with money I’ve saved. Playing with paper, writing. Reading the most amazing things.

It’s interesting, because the longing, the restlessness, that drove me for so many years is still there, it is just softer, gentler and at the same time stronger and with more conviction than I had ever thought possible.

I wonder what’s next?