There have been so many things lately that I've figured out about the past, my relationships with others. I need to start writing them down; I've forgotten some of them. This blog is as good a place as any. They aren't so much revelations, they are just ruminations, thoughts, on how things are now and how that helps me make sense of how things were.
this one came to me today, driving home from buying tahini paste:
I am hypersensitive about Johns' relationships with his girls since he's sobered up. I wasn't sure what that was all about. Didn't make me do anything weird or crazy, i just noticed some anxiety around it. Today i realised that when i was a kid, I was expected to take a side, either Mum's side or Dad's side, when they were fighting and he had been drinking. It was very difficult to pick a side; if you picked the one side or the other it would mean getting hurt or getting rewarded (which i would pay for later from the side I didn't pick). Because John has talked to his girls through all this stuff I realised that I was scared if they were talking to him it meant they weren't talking to me; that they had chosen his side, not mine.
Now that I've figured out that one, i can let it go....
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment