"NewWorldOrder"ism

There have been so many things lately that I've figured out about the past, my relationships with others. I need to start writing them down; I've forgotten some of them. This blog is as good a place as any. They aren't so much revelations, they are just ruminations, thoughts, on how things are now and how that helps me make sense of how things were.
this one came to me today, driving home from buying tahini paste:
I am hypersensitive about Johns' relationships with his girls since he's sobered up. I wasn't sure what that was all about. Didn't make me do anything weird or crazy, i just noticed some anxiety around it. Today i realised that when i was a kid, I was expected to take a side, either Mum's side or Dad's side, when they were fighting and he had been drinking. It was very difficult to pick a side; if you picked the one side or the other it would mean getting hurt or getting rewarded (which i would pay for later from the side I didn't pick). Because John has talked to his girls through all this stuff I realised that I was scared if they were talking to him it meant they weren't talking to me; that they had chosen his side, not mine.
Now that I've figured out that one, i can let it go....

Gardening

I also wanted to show you pictures of the gardens. When the folks were here last they helped me with the west garden bed. We cleaned it up and put landscape cloth down, and then John got a load of wood chips and spread them out. Looks pretty nice, hey?

Also, John made a great post for the name and house number sign. We didn't really even know that this pile of rocks was in fact a bed, a place that was probably used, years ago, for the purpose we are going to use it now! When Joan comes to visit I've asked her to go to the nurseries with me to find some suitable rock wall plants. She loves visiting nurseries, and as she'll be here three days it will give us something to do.
Here's a picture of the "post in waiting"

Paddling and more paddling

The outrigger paddling is fantastic. i love it so much. Yesterday was the first day that we "got it" as a team; our strokes were bang on, our rhythm was in tune with the water, we worked hard and weren't afraid of the waves that came at us. we went quite a ways out past the point which made the water harder. I'm learning about the echoes in the water that are created from the land, and how to paddle in the transition, how the boat handles and stuff like that. so interesting. I went down to the endurance paddle for the dragon boat on saturday. it was much more difficult for me than last Saturday, and I realised it is because i had not been on the water all week! I will for sure be paddling dragon boat this week.
I'm kind of bummed because our OC team is not going to race; we are just not going to be ready. the good thing about it is we will be able to do more recreational paddles, taking out OC1's and OC2's just for kicks.
I love paddling and I have set the intention that I want to eventually paddle every day.
It is such a good analogy for life; no matter how rough the water gets, no matter how scared you are of the waves, just keep paddling, over and over, the rhythm of the paddle is what will get you through.